For a long time now, I have struggled with mastering self-love, self-confidence, self-worth. I know impostor syndrome and perfectionist tendencies are holding me back, but I wasn’t sure how to have a breakthrough. I wrote myself positive affirmations. I try to love myself even when I’m lazy and unproductive. I read self-help books. I meditate. I exercise. I journal. I tell myself what I am grateful for in life.
Every action helped a little, but only temporarily. I feel great and hopeful for a few days, and then fall back into the cycle of feeling not good enough. I push myself to get back to feeling great, but only find myself feeling worse about myself when I can't do it.
A breakthrough did come at the dawn of 2017. I realize that my favorite jobs in the past were the ones where my boss believed in me. When my boss believed in me, I felt motivated to do, give and create. When my boss didn’t believe in me, and some even rooted for my failure, I felt too scared to perform. If my success and failure is only a function of my belief of my worth, how can I master believing in myself?
Believing in myself – is a simple concept, but not one that has been easy for me to master.
First, I need to be my own believer. I need to stop looking to some “authority” figure to tell me they believe in me. To become my own believer, I need to ask myself what makes me believe in me. In other words, what criteria do I use to evaluate if I believe a person will succeed?
My criteria include a person’s track record of follow through, their level of commitment, their support network, their level of experience, their work ethic and integrity as a person. When I evaluated myself on these criteria, I realize if I met a woman just like me, I would believe in her.
Second, I eliminated all things that makes me doubt myself. This include setting boundaries with people in my life who do not believe in me, even if their beliefs are coming from a caring and loving place. This also include limiting my exposure to messages that make me feel small, such as seeing facebook posts from people whom I deem as more successful than me.
Third, I took action to create momentum and progress toward my goals. I defined goals, measures of success, and a daily routine that will help me develop habits that keep me moving forward. With every action, I proof to myself that I can do it, and I reaffirms my belief in me.
Wake up daily with reminders for why I believe in me. Practice daily habits that move me toward my goals. My belief in me grows with every milestone achieved.
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